05 "Wake Up, It's the Nineties" The New Trust Dark is the Path Which Lies Before Us [Slowdance]

"I really don't care who knows!"

Apart from a nebulous and very general interest in politics and the never-changing political landscape of this country, I can't say I feel “passionate” about many issues. This mostly stems from deep-rooted apathy and a substantial lack of faith in people of power ever doing anything that's not in their best interest, or in the interest of the set of ideologies they believe they should have. One issue, however, that for whatever reason has always completely maddened me in this country that views itself as inviting to people of all backgrounds, religions, ethnicities, and beliefs, is its downright hatred for the GLBT community. A piece of me feels awkward about implying political leanings on an otherwise neutral forum, but I feel I need to be honest as it relates directly to the song at hand. How does the birthplace of revered heroes of equalization between peoples like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Abraham Lincoln still manage to find a new (not to mention already subjugated) demographic to spit on with such blatant disregard? Have we learned nothing from our past? I'm sure this could be said for many other problems with this nation, but this one cuts me so deep because it seems the most plainly obvious to me, with no other reason to perpetuate it other than illogical and nonsensical beliefs originating in no kind of reality. As I step off my soapbox, I would like to simply point to the hilarious title of this driving and unyielding yearning anthem, which expresses my (and so many others') sympathies on the subject way more intellectually and personally than I ever could. As the highlighted lyric implies, the only thing that can be done is to give the powers that be the equal amount of blatant disregard as they are giving those they persecute, and hope some day some figure is lifted up to denounce the political hatred that is plaguing this community, and respect is given in return – I will not be at ease until everyone joins in the uprising.

04 "The Song is the Single" BARR Summary [5RC]

“Everyone knows that rock and roll is the language of night / but this got made in the day.”

I began with a stream of consciousness and I have a feeling I will end with it. I kept hundreds of ramblings and poems that I would write during classes, study hall, during long nights at the box office at work, during sick days sitting upright in my water bed (that was awkward and comfortable at the same time). The pages sometimes fell out, I found them later, taped them back in the little black books that I covered with magazine cut-outs – pictures of bands and frames from movies snipped outta Entertainment Weeklys, a subscription I got for Christmas one year. I'd think about rock and roll and I'd think about Quentin Tarantino and I'd be influenced and I'd just simply be attracted by the aesthetic, lost in wonder without ever analyzing. But I learned that part later – when I was older, and off on my own. It was a terrible time where I was lonely, only connected to people through cords and digital messages. I heard drums and bass and keys in my dreams as I slept with my guitar nearby. I missed my band, I missed how it all fit together, even when I yelled at them one day and drove off (it was raining, how very Cusack is that?) and then I cried on the side of the road. You see, the tears and the rain were quite symbolically similar. I sucked it up because I loved them, because the sweat I excreted when I was with them derived from the words I wrote in those little clips-covered black books – I tried to sing them through an amp, but I was never loud enough. How can one be loud enough with a voice when you're left speechless by being with these three guys. These three guys who compelled me to write more and more bad stream of consciousness poetry and write more and more too simple and uninformed guitar parts. At least I thought they were such, because I never really knew what I was doing. Kind of like when I was writing in those little black books. Weird: usually people call little black books the things they write girls' phone numbers in. I'm glad I didn't have girls' phone numbers in high school, because that would meant less time with the band. I should have written about them more in those books. There were worth more time than any of my pseudo-crushes. BARR brings me back to the basics. There we go again with the poorly-worded trite stream of consciousness.

03 "A Paw in My Face" The Field From Here We Go Sublime [Kompakt]

Moment @ 2:39

Here's the last Qualler and Brigitte's wedding song. I feel kind of bad about making sure DJ Pushkar from Radio K brought the CD (it was the only one he had with him, otherwise the rest of the night's playlist was stored digitally), also because neither Qualler nor Brigitte had even heard The Field at that point and it was their freaking wedding, but it was totally worth it nevertheless. Sure when the soft instrumental minimalist dance number faded up during the night's dance, everyone looked confused except Pat and I. Sure as its repetitive loops circled around and around the speakers seemingly going nowhere to the untrained ear, more and more people left the dance floor. Luckily, I had been prepared. Armed with glow sticks in my tuxedo jacket pocket, I grooved toward the mass of acquaintances and friends that were still going strong, giving the song a chance, and I handed them out to the beat, one by one. Thanks to another good friend Amy, we already had an array of props (wacky hats, feather boas, wands, etc.) to complement the swirling glow sticks. I told Pushkar to pump it up, imagined everyone in slow motion underwater, and by the time that incomparable moment (as noted above) made the song come to its apex, I had officially reached complete and utter nirvana. I don't know if I had ever been more content with my life than I was when that moment came – I looked up at the ceiling, pivoting my feet and my heart to the point of synchronizing both with the Swedish DJ's kick drum pulses. Everything around me dissolved into blurs and fuzzy shadows, and I experienced eternity inside two of the most glorious minutes of my time on this Earth. There were invisible lights that catapulted my body through the art museum's ceiling, dispelled the gravity from our atmosphere, put me at one with both the stars and the ocean floor, and calmed my soul to the point of sitting just atop my skin – the interior and exterior of my being coexisting as one. The blanket of our universe folded over during those two minutes of ecstatic musical bliss and I became my infant self, my current self, and my future death all at once. There was no time or space; no work or stress; there was only love.

“And I won't take any other call.”

The best love songs are ones that communicate both the beaming positive aspects and quivering negative aspects of being in a relationship. It feels one-sided and empty to only pour one's heart out in a single denial-soaked direction. I am beyond lucky that I am in love and have been for a while now, and while I of course have reservations about professing it once again on this otherwise neutral forum, I feel I must for the sake of the song. This is where T&S hit me, and it does nobody any favors to sugar coat it, censor it, or edit it for the sake of keeping people from gagging in response to lovey-doveyness. Because this isn't your average lovey-doveyness. This is the cold hard truth of desperately loving another person. Let's get the obvious out of the way: Jessica, if you read this, my heart wobbles – almost explodes if it weren't for your love equalizing it – when I listen to this song by my lonesome and have your beautiful face lingering in my head. This is not where this song ends, however, regardless of its minute-and-37-seconds running time. There are tremendous amounts of touching love songs that I have put on mix CDs for you with only you in mind, but never has a song so truthfully expressed the rainbow of emotions we go through together, hand in hand, since the song we call ours (“Consequence” by The Notwist). From the months you spent away in Florida as I awaited your return in Minnesota, only having your voice on the phone and the letters you sent in the mail to grab hold of, to the nights we spend apart while you dedicate your life to helping women in need by learning law and volunteering at an outreach center, to the times we are able to spend together and miscommunicate to the point of yelling and pretending to ignore each other. All of those lonely and dark times we spend apart and together do us some vicious harm at the time. It feels like we're at the bottom, curled up on the floor with a wall between us, but when I remember the good times...when I remember your laugh or your energy...your confidence or your strength...or your warm tangible arms holding my face...all you need to say is “talk to me.” I come out from my wallowing, from my shut down mode, deleting the distance between us, and I say your name – because I know you're there waiting for me. And I will always be there waiting for you. Some day I hope we can dance together to this song in fancy clothes, with our friends all around us, and overcoming the delicate brokenness that invades our lives every day. Because it is from dirt that we come, and it will be dirt to which we return – I want to spend these days away from the soil only and everlastingly with you.

01 "All My Friends" LCD Soundsystem Sound of Silver [DFA/Capitol]

“If I could see all my friends tonight.”

I can't imagine how terrible it looks to put another song above the one that I dedicate to Jessica. If I could give two songs the number 1 spot, I would. In the end, I felt this was most important to put at the top of the hundreds (possible thousands?) of 2007 songs that I listened to this year because my relationship with Jessica isn't just about love – it's also about undying and unequivocal friendship. Not only this, but my friends also play an integral part in my well-being and eternal happiness. For me, breaking up with a close friend (which usually just means growing apart for many) rivals breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend. I can't imagine ever letting go of the people I have bonded with since I considered myself mature enough to have a long-lasting friendship (for me, I think this was anyone that had a deep effect on me from 5^th grade onward). While never a crazed LCD fanatic by any means, this song so perfectly embodies everything that is going on between my close friends and I (as well as several other pre-adults I assume, as this song as landed at the top of so many year-end lists) that I really didn't mind that this year's #1 song didn't come from an artist I had already considered myself a huge fan of, as it usually has in the past. [Pause] As I take a break from writing this description to browse the lyrics of the song for a lyric to place atop this passage, an epiphany suddenly hits me so hard I almost feel the rest of my body magnetized to my heart. Having listened to this song dozens of times already, the instant I looked at the lyrics, I immediately remembered what had been the most important line for me. Every time this song's outro squeals to its dissipating halt and James Murphy coarsely screams it atop the agitating piano and skittering percussion, my body breaks down and at least one tear escapes my eye socket before I can regain composure. Whenever I think of them (and you should know who you are if you're reading this, plus there's way too many to list here, plus listing isn't what this is about – ironically enough), I so desperately want them to be near me that I violently curse the hundreds of miles of freeway the keep us apart for the majority of every year. One Saturday evening in particular that I had spent alone in a fit of “I want to be alone” brought me to a crying fit of temper tantrum proportions, as I realized I wanted to be anything but alone. I wished so much that I could have all of my friends in one place – their ridiculously hilarious jokes and irreverent carefree attitudes comforting me at that very moment before I descended into another night of depressing sleep. It's not just that we have a good time when we're together, it's that the innumerable amount of good times together (cue me wishing we had been keeping up with the 5,643 Stuffs list – or whatever the number was) have amassed a balloon of love and respect that we have for each other that we don't even need to express with words to each other. It just is – and it just stays that way, waiting for the next time we can be together again, like no time has passed at all. Maybe those were the day, or maybe those days just simply have to settle for being far and few between as we grow up, grow apart as adults, but stay together at heart – ensuring we keep piling on the good times when we can afford to book that plane ticket to fill up that gas tank. Oh but I said there was an epiphany somewhere in here – because all this is old news that I just needed to document. The epiphany is this – I haven't completed this list until now – and tonight I actually do get to see my friends. As I close up this computer after I press “Publish Post” I'll be on my way to Chicago to see two of my best friends in the whole world – and I have already dedicated a portion of my Spring Break to seeing three other really good friends of mine. This is fate – this is why unintended hiatuses happen sometimes. And I plan to make sure I see the rest of you sooner rather than later. I love you all – please stay just the way you've always been.

¶ posted by chris at 1:24 PM